My Eyes Were Opened

Saturday night I had the opportunity to go to Matt and Josie Minikus' concert.  I went thinking it would be good to hear them sing again and that I would probably get a blessing from it, which I needed. Little did I know though that God had a much bigger blessing for me than I could imagine, a blessing that came in the form of a lesson.  A lesson that He knew I needed to learn.

Before Josie sang one of her songs that she wrote, she told us a little about why she wrote it and the meaning behind it. The song was about how even Sparrows in a flock of Birds of Paradise were still given a song to sing by God, and that Daisies even though they are little were still given a face to lift up to Him, and be a blessing to others.

Josie said that she used to compare herself to others, and wonder why she was in the place she was in, and why she was even bothering to sing. Since the other girl she was singing with had a much stronger, beautiful voice. Than God taught her the lesson of the Daisy and the Sparrow.

As I sat there in the audience listening to her tell this experience and sing that song, tears welled up in my eyes.  I realized that the song that she was singing was meant for me. All my life, I have compared myself to others, and tried to please as many people as possible. I guess, subconsciously I have known that I do this to myself, but i've never taken the time to realize and do something about it.

I realized how much pain I cause myself because I think that I am not good enough, or as smart as my siblings. Or most of all, as talented musically..

But I see now even though I dont have that many really good talents, I do have some. And I need to be using them not to please myself, but to be a blessing to others. He gave them to me to use, not to hide because I dont think they are good enough.

I thank God that my eyes were opened, and I pray that as I continue on this journey that I may endeavor to be a blessing to others.

Lots of memories come with this song... 

Hopes and Dreams

Hope: A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. 

Dream: A cherished ideal. 

People talk about their hopes and dreams all the time. They swear that they will never give up on them, and that no one could ever take them from them because they're locked in their heads. I use to think the same way, until last night. My biggest hope and dream was snatched from me, and no matter what i could do, i couldn't hold on to it. It's gone now, and all that remains are a few broken pieces. 

When i think about it, it just reminds me how much i hate this world, and that my real home isn't here, but it is a long way away. Farther and higher from the pain and hurt than anything else in the universe. I wish that the day will come sooner when i can leave this world, and never feel pain, hurt, or that sting when tears start running down your face again.

I am reminded that this is just my temporary home, and that its not really a home, its just a house that i'm living in until i am taken to my real home. I pray for that day to come sooner, and i praise God that we do have one hope and dream that can never be taken from us. 

My Reality

      It has been almost two weeks since i entered the realm of college, and yet it feels like way longer. Not a whole lot has happened physically, but mentally i have had my brain ripped apart. Physically I exist here at Southern, but i feel like my mind lives somewhere else.
      As i look around me, i am surrounded by hundreds of people, and yet most of them don't seem to notice that they too are surrounded by hundreds of people. I know for most of you, you are use to this, but for me, this is a new feeling, and new realization of the world i live in. And as i think back on all the years of my schooling, i have never felt this way. I have always been friends with everyone in my school.
      For those of you who know me fairly well, you will know that i am a pretty sociable person. But when you place me in a crowd of strangers i usually become very quiet and just want to stay out of everyone's way...

Southern = BIG crowd of strangers.

      Because of this, I have found myself doing exactly what 90% of the population on this campus is doing. Living in my own world. Doing what i want. Talking to whom i want to. Eating meals with my friends.(actually, mostly my brother)
      I am not sure exactly where i am going with this whole tangent, but i do know that something is not right. I believe this was not and is not the way God intended us live. I say "us" because i am preaching to myself more than any of you.
      I doubt many people will read this. But for those of you who do, don't let this "state of being, of living in your own world" become your reality too.

      Jesus had a reality. His reality was to go out of His way, to live in someone else's world. To do what someone else wanted. To make a new friend. To eat with strangers.  

Lets make this our reality too...

Introspection

GYC had sadly come to end and i was now sitting in the car, with a 14 hour car ride ahead of me. Thus giving me more than enough time to contemplate the past 18 years of my existence. As i quickly discovered, a rather pathetic existence. 
I thought back on all "great" things i had accomplished in my life, but compared to all the GREAT mistakes i had made, i had not accomplished anything great...
As i sat there staring at the world go by, it dawned on me that up until i went to ARISE, my life has just been a game. I've made the "right" moves and followed the rules to a T, just so that i could get what i wanted. But i'm tired of it... 
This last semester at ARISE, i have fought some of the hardest battles i've ever had to fight, but it has been the most fulfilling four months of my life. I have been able to totally relate with Paul when he says "For what i will to do, that i do not practice; but what i hate, that i do." But i have also seen that when you delight yourself in God, He WILL give you the desires of your heart. I have been the happiest, even though everything that i thought would make me happy was taken away. I have lost everything that i thought would give me fulfillment, and yet once again i have felt the most fulfillment. 
Now, i am off to college. I'm excited to see what great things God is going to do, and what doors He is going to open for me. I pray though that i won't lose sight of this picture i have of my life now, compared to what it used to be. 

"We have nothing to fear for the future, 

except as we shall forget the way the Lord has led us, 

and His teaching in our past history." 

Leaving for YFJ

Well this first part of the summer has FLOWN by. It seems like just yesterday i left school headed for home, and what i thought was going to be 5 tough weeks of summer school. But im done now and tomorrow im headed to Orlando for Youth For Jesus. Im excited about it but kinda nervous too. So please keep me in your prayers! This is a new experience for me, and im definitely going to get pushed way out of my comfort zone, but i think this is what God wants me to do and i know it will be good for me!

Im not sure how much internet i will have or opportunities i will have to post, but if and when i do i will let u guys know how its going. And when i get back i will be sure to write all about it and post pictures! So again, please keep me in your prayers and i will miss you guys tons!

Life at Heritage

Ok, so its been awhile, i know!  Yes, i have been lazy, but be proud of me! I am updating it!!!  Anyway,  a lot has changed since i last posted something.  I am at Heritage Academy and its been........different.....thats for sure! I am a Junior now, and when people say your junior year is your hardest year.....believe them!!!!!  It is!!!!  

So i am on break right now.  And i am so glad that its break! School has been keeping me really busy so its nice to have a quick break.  But i have to spend the whole break looking for long white dress for graduation.  WELL.....thats about it for now.  As soon as something exciting happens i will post!!  So don't get to impatient!! JK