Hopes and Dreams

Hope: A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. 

Dream: A cherished ideal. 

People talk about their hopes and dreams all the time. They swear that they will never give up on them, and that no one could ever take them from them because they're locked in their heads. I use to think the same way, until last night. My biggest hope and dream was snatched from me, and no matter what i could do, i couldn't hold on to it. It's gone now, and all that remains are a few broken pieces. 

When i think about it, it just reminds me how much i hate this world, and that my real home isn't here, but it is a long way away. Farther and higher from the pain and hurt than anything else in the universe. I wish that the day will come sooner when i can leave this world, and never feel pain, hurt, or that sting when tears start running down your face again.

I am reminded that this is just my temporary home, and that its not really a home, its just a house that i'm living in until i am taken to my real home. I pray for that day to come sooner, and i praise God that we do have one hope and dream that can never be taken from us. 

My Reality

      It has been almost two weeks since i entered the realm of college, and yet it feels like way longer. Not a whole lot has happened physically, but mentally i have had my brain ripped apart. Physically I exist here at Southern, but i feel like my mind lives somewhere else.
      As i look around me, i am surrounded by hundreds of people, and yet most of them don't seem to notice that they too are surrounded by hundreds of people. I know for most of you, you are use to this, but for me, this is a new feeling, and new realization of the world i live in. And as i think back on all the years of my schooling, i have never felt this way. I have always been friends with everyone in my school.
      For those of you who know me fairly well, you will know that i am a pretty sociable person. But when you place me in a crowd of strangers i usually become very quiet and just want to stay out of everyone's way...

Southern = BIG crowd of strangers.

      Because of this, I have found myself doing exactly what 90% of the population on this campus is doing. Living in my own world. Doing what i want. Talking to whom i want to. Eating meals with my friends.(actually, mostly my brother)
      I am not sure exactly where i am going with this whole tangent, but i do know that something is not right. I believe this was not and is not the way God intended us live. I say "us" because i am preaching to myself more than any of you.
      I doubt many people will read this. But for those of you who do, don't let this "state of being, of living in your own world" become your reality too.

      Jesus had a reality. His reality was to go out of His way, to live in someone else's world. To do what someone else wanted. To make a new friend. To eat with strangers.  

Lets make this our reality too...

Introspection

GYC had sadly come to end and i was now sitting in the car, with a 14 hour car ride ahead of me. Thus giving me more than enough time to contemplate the past 18 years of my existence. As i quickly discovered, a rather pathetic existence. 
I thought back on all "great" things i had accomplished in my life, but compared to all the GREAT mistakes i had made, i had not accomplished anything great...
As i sat there staring at the world go by, it dawned on me that up until i went to ARISE, my life has just been a game. I've made the "right" moves and followed the rules to a T, just so that i could get what i wanted. But i'm tired of it... 
This last semester at ARISE, i have fought some of the hardest battles i've ever had to fight, but it has been the most fulfilling four months of my life. I have been able to totally relate with Paul when he says "For what i will to do, that i do not practice; but what i hate, that i do." But i have also seen that when you delight yourself in God, He WILL give you the desires of your heart. I have been the happiest, even though everything that i thought would make me happy was taken away. I have lost everything that i thought would give me fulfillment, and yet once again i have felt the most fulfillment. 
Now, i am off to college. I'm excited to see what great things God is going to do, and what doors He is going to open for me. I pray though that i won't lose sight of this picture i have of my life now, compared to what it used to be. 

"We have nothing to fear for the future, 

except as we shall forget the way the Lord has led us, 

and His teaching in our past history."